President Voldemort speaks
From a comment - thanks
March 3 - “The muggles will bow before the United States of Sorcery!”
March 10 - “The muggles have been defeated, I wiped out the entire muggle air force and navy and killed their leader!”
March 17 - “In 2 more weeks the muggles will be defeated!”
March 24 - “Don’t worry about high fairy dust prices, trust the plan, we can’t let the muggles get a magic bomb!”
March 31 - “The war against the muggles may continue into September.”
April 7 - “Why are the muggles still launching missiles at us, that’s not fair! Our anti-technology spell was supposed to protect us!”
April 14 - “Magneto and his Brotherhood of Mutants have rejected my request for help against the muggles! And after all we’ve done for them!”
- President Voldemort, probably
Lol, I think this came out pretty nice. Maybe could have used a little more salt. But I'm sure the neocons' salty seething will take care of that for us.